Joey
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: Would I know this hurt? Would I feel this pain? Do you know that with all I have left in my very last breath I will call your name? My first Friends fic.


Hi, fans of Friends! I'm obsessedwithstabler, and while I've been watching Friends for years, this is my first stab at a stand alone fic. This is also the longest songfic I've ever written, with over a whopping four thousand words. Yay! I write a lot of songfics, so I'm always listening to music for my next muse. And when I heard the new Sugarland song, Joey, I knew I had to write a story for it. I would have had it up sooner, except the site was acting up. Oh, well. This story is a little AU, and instead of being with Mike, Phoebe is with Joey. Cliche, I know, but I always loved them together. Everything else is pretty much the same. I don't own any of the stuff you recognize here, and let me warn you right now, it's a tearjerker. So grab some Kleenex and enjoy Joey!

Disclaimer: Not mine! Or is it...? Nope, definitely not mine.

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Phoebe took Joey's hand. The music was loud, and she couldn't believe that she had let him talk her into coming. She had been particularly tired lately, but he had been so excited about coming to the opening of this club. And when he gave her that look, she couldn't say no.

Joey took a drink of his beer, then nuzzled Phoebe's neck with his nose. "Come on, baby. This is a good party," he murmured.

She sighed heavily as the bass in the song worsened her headache. "I just don't feel good."

He pouted. "You haven't been feeling good all week."

"I know." She let him lead her to a booth, and she watched as he ordered another beer.

After he was done ordering, he looked at Phoebe, who shook her head.

She had a lot on her mind, and her stomach was feeling worse.

When he finished his second beer, he looked at her. "What's wrong with you, Pheebs? You've barely said a word all night."

She shrugged. The truth was that she had her suspicions, but she didn't want to talk to him about them until she was certain.

He frowned deeply. "What, now you're not talking to me?" She had been moody and quiet all week, and it was starting to bother him. "I thought you would have a good time here."

She sighed. "I think I'm going to call it an early night." She stood up.

"Fine." He stood up as well, throwing a few bills down on the table. "I'll see you later." He turned around and stalked away from the booth.

"Joey..." She stood up and followed after him.

He turned and looked at her. "What?"

She held her hand out for his keys. "You're drunk. You shouldn't be driving."

He stared at her outstretched hand. "I'm fine, Phoebe."

"No, you're not. And you shouldn't drive."

He waved a dismissive hand. "Fine. I'll get a cab." Out of habit he leaned over and kissed her cheek, his dark eyes softening. "I'll see you at home."

She touched his cheek, shivering when he pulled away and walked away from her.

"Joey..."

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Phoebe sat on the edge of the toilet, her eyes filled with tears as she studied the white stick clutched tightly in her hand. Positive. She was pregnant, and she had never felt worse in her life.

What were they going to do? They had never discussed children, and her own upbringing made her question how she would handle being a mother.

The loud ringing of the phone interrupted her thoughts, and her stomach dropped to the floor. Setting the stick down, she slowly stood up, absently touching her belly as she walked out of the bathroom.

The desperate whining of the phone seemed to intensify as, outside, thunder rumbled ominously in the distance. She swallowed hard and slowly picked up the phone.

"Hello...?"

Her knees buckled, and she sank to the floor. The phone slid out of her hand, and she hit the floor, sobbing.

Chandler was laying in bed with his wife when the phone rang, and he groaned softly. For some reason, he hadn't been able to sleep all night. Without turning on a light, he reached over and fumbled for the phone, bringing it to his ear. "Hello..."

For a moment, all he could hear was a woman sobbing, and he sat up in the bed. "Hello?" He wiped the sleep from his eyes, and his heart dropped when it finally registered in his mind who was on the other end of the line. "Phoebe?"

Monica turned over in the bed, draping her arm over Chandler. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked drowsily.

He felt hot tears well up in his eyes as he pieced together what Phoebe was saying.

When he didn't answer, Monica frowned. "Chandler?" She sat up in the bed with him, then reached over and turned on the lamp beside their bed.

Chandler swiped at his eyes. "Phoebe... Is there anything I can do...?"

Monica's heart suddenly started beating frantically against her ribcage. There was only one thing that Phoebe would call Chandler in the middle of the night for, that would make him cry like this. But she didn't want to let herself believe it.

Chandler and Phoebe spoke for a few more minutes before he finally set the phone down. "Mon..." He rested his head in his hands.

She rubbed his shoulder, resting her head against his. "Chandler, what happened? What's wrong with Phoebe?"

He suddenly twisted and pulled Monica into his arms, holding her tightly. Then he buried his face in her hair, whispering, "He's gone, Mon... Joey's gone..."

The color drained from her face as she held him close. "What? What happened?"

"There was a car accident..." He couldn't contain his anguished tears. "Phoebe just found out... Oh, God..."

She held him close and kissed his head, rocking him back and forth as he broke down and cried for his best friend.

_What if I said yes?_

_What if I'd gone out that night?_

_What if you'd turned left?_

_And everything else would have turned out all right _

_What if I spoke up?_

_What if I took the keys?_

_What if I had tried a little harder?_

_Instead of always trying to please?_

After making all of the calls, Phoebe looked down at the phone in her hand, then closed her eyes. But all she could see was her lover's smiling face. Her eyes shot open, and she threw the phone against the wall. The phone shattered into dozens of pieces, and she sank to her knees.

This couldn't be happening. Any minute now, he would walk in, grinning that silly way he always did. He would take her in his arms and hold her close, then carry her to their bedroom and make her forget everything that was wrong and evil in the world. There would only be them, safe in a world of their own making.

He would kiss her, touch her, and show her how much he cared about her. Nothing else would matter, and no one else would exist.

Her eyes opened, and he wasn't there. Her arms tightened around herself as her tears spilled down her cheeks. He was never going to be there with her again.

She cried, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, Joey. I'm so sorry."

_Joey, I'm so sorry _

_Oh, can you hear me?_

_Joey, I'm so sorry_

Phoebe had never felt so alone, surrounded by friends. Beside her, Chandler discreetly swiped at his swollen eyes. For the past two days he had barely left her side, and Monica was extremely understanding about it. They all knew that Chandler and Joey had been best friends, and to Chandler, Phoebe was a last connection, of sorts. Just being closer to her felt like he was still close to Joey.

Sighing quietly, Phoebe laid her head on Chandler's shoulder, and she closed her eyes when he slid his arm around her slender waist. He had been extremely protective of her, and she told him that she appreciated it. She could barely talk, let alone deal with the crowds of people that she didn't know lining up to tell her how sorry they were that Joey was gone. Her shoulders shuddered.

Chandler held her tighter, absently rubbing her side as he led her into the church. He knew that this was going to be hard on her, and he was determined to help her through it. Briefly he looked up, and he was relieved when he saw his wife in the arms of her brother. Next to them stood Rachel, holding a small blue bundle in her arms, while Emma clung tightly to her legs. She looked exhausted and it was clear that she had been crying.

At the head of the chapel was a long, sleek coffin, and Phoebe couldn't bring herself to look at the box that she would be burying the love of her life in. She clung tighter to Chandler, hiding her face in his shoulder.

Chandler helped her to a seat and sat down beside her, allowing her to curl up in his side. When she grabbed his arm, he turned his head and gently smoothed her hair back. "Shh, Pheebs," he soothed. "Shh..." He didn't bother telling her that it was going to be okay. For her, he knew that things would never be okay again. And he himself was grappling with the fact that today, he would bury his best friend.

She sniffled, her shoulders shaking. She should have listened to her gut that night. Something felt wrong, and she had let him go anyway. If she had just stopped him, or actually put him in the cab herself, maybe none of this would be happening. They'd be at home right now, and she would be trying to figure out a way to tell him that he was going to be a daddy. Or if she had just said no to going out at all. She wasn't feeling well, and if she had been more insistent, he probably would have just stayed home with her.

As she sank further into her thoughts, she wasn't aware of Ross, Rachel and Monica surrounding her and Chandler. Ross sat down on her left, and she didn't say anything when he gently pulled her into his arms and kissed her head. They were all trying to comfort her, but she didn't want any of it. She just wanted Joey back, safe in her arms. A sob escaped her throat as she hid her head in Ross' neck.

Rachel started to cry again, and Chandler pulled Monica into his lap, hugging her tight. He couldn't imagine losing Monica or their children. He wouldn't be strong enough to handle it, and he had no doubts in his mind that it would kill him.

Finally Phoebe pulled out of Ross' arms, wiping at her eyes. "I have to go up there," she said softly, but there was more strength in her voice than she knew.

Ross gently closed his hand around her slender wrist. "We can go with you, Phoebe," he reminded her gently, glancing around at the small group. Three other heads nodded in agreement.

She shook her head slowly. "No... I need to do this myself." She turned and slowly headed to the front of the room, her steps small and uncertain.

As the four watched her, Rachel wrapped her arms around her husband and hugged him tight.

Ross silently slid his arm around Rachel and pulled her close to him, kissing her thick hair.

Everything else slipped away as Phoebe reached the coffin that held a large part of her heart. Her hand strayed down to her abdomen. He looked so peaceful, but it was of little comfort to her. What was the point? After today, she would never see him again, and her last image of him would be cold and unnatural. With a shaking hand, she reached down and touched his cheek. There was no warmth there, no sign of the man she had given herself to. There was only a shell that she barely recognized. A violent shudder went through her slender frame.

Why hadn't she just said no that night? She knew what kind of man he was, and when he asked her out, she knew exactly what she had gotten herself. But this was not one of the final scenarios she had imagined. If she had just told him no, maybe she wouldn't be feeling this hurt that consumed her, or the tears that threatened to drown her. Even burying her grandmother hadn't hurt this bad.

Taking a shallow breath, she moved her hand from his cheek to his hands folded on his chest.

His hands were cool and soft, and she cried as she took his hand in hers and squeezed it gently. She had always loved his hands so much. They always had a way of making her feel safe and wanted, when she had never felt that way in her life. And now, she was certain she would never fell that way again. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, her hand absently touching his dark hair.

"I'm so sorry, Joey," she whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek and hit his forehead. "I shouldn't have let you go. I'm so sorry." She couldn't seem to say those words enough.

_What if I said no?_

_What if we never fell in love?_

_What if we'd gone slow?_

_Or a little bit faster and broken up?_

Time seemed to cease to exist as Phoebe watched Ross, Chandler, and several men who he had worked with at some point solemnly carry the coffin out of the church. She could barely breathe as they eased it into the back of the hearse, then quietly shut the doors. Her gaze dropped to the ground as Chandler approached her quietly and took her arm.

"Come on, honey," he murmured, gently squeezing his arm. "We'll stay with you." He motioned to Ross, Rachel and Monica, who were standing behind her.

She nodded numbly, not aware of anything as he helped her into the car. He and Monica sat on her right, and Ross and Rachel sat on her left as the hearse proceeded to the gravesite.

Chandler didn't miss the way she constantly touched her stomach, but he didn't want to upset her by questioning it. When she was ready, she would tell them.

The drive to the cemetery was silent, and when they finally arrived, Phoebe started to cry again. Monica, Ross and Rachel each touched her arm, then slowly exited the car. Chandler stayed behind.

When the doors were closed, Chandler drew Phoebe into his arms and held her tight.

Phoebe hid her face in his shoulder and sobbed, her breaths coming in stuttered gasps.

He waited until she was finally ready, then he helped her out of the car and over to the gravesite. She was unsteady on her feet, and he held her close, not wanting her to slip and fall. Nearby he could hear Joey's sisters crying, and he rested his head against Phoebe's in an almost protective gesture.

Phoebe let him help her to the coffin, but suddenly it was too much for her. She shook her head and stepped backward. "I can't..."

Chandler stepped in front of her, meeting her eyes. "Can't what, sweetheart?"

"I can't do this..." She couldn't watch him be lowered into that cold, lonely ground. She just couldn't.

He looked around, then sighed. "Then let me get you out of here. You don't have to stay."

A tear slid down her cheek as she looked at him. "I don't...?"

"Of course not. No one is going to be mad at you."

"I can't... watch them put him in the ground... I just can't." She shook her head. "I can't."

He nodded, understanding completely. "Okay." The truth was, he didn't think he could handle watching them put his best friend six feet under, either. He could only imagine the hell Phoebe was going through just being there. "I'll take you home, and everyone else will just have to deal with it." Or they would have to deal with him.

Without a word to anyone, he took her by the arm and led her back to the hearse. He felt an overwhelming need to protect her, to shield her from all of this. She was one of his best friends, a part of his family.

Phoebe got into the hearse and rested her head in her hands, sobbing quietly. She wished that he could hear her, that he knew how sorry she was. Until she died, she would love him, and nothing was going to change that.

_Would I know this hurt?_

_Would I feel this pain?_

_Do you know that with all I have left _

_In my very last breath I will call your name?_

In the quiet of the hospital room, shielded by darkness, Phoebe cried. She cried for the life she had before, for the sudden loss of the man who captivated her heart and soul. And now she cried for her newborn son who would never know what a kind and loving man his father was.

"Pheebs?" Chandler called softly, standing in the door of her hospital room.

She looked up, not bothering to wipe her tears away. "Yeah?"

Having her invitation, he made his way into her room. "How do you feel?"

She sniffled. "How do you think I feel, Chandler?"

Seeing the isolette, his heart started to pound. He approached it, then looked at Phoebe. "Can I...?" He motioned to the newborn.

She nodded slowly.

Smiling, he reached down into the isolette and picked up the newborn with practiced ease. "He's beautiful, Phoebe," he murmured, his voice filled with awe.

Her eyes filled with tears again. "He looks like his father," she whispered chokingly.

Wanting to comfort her, he sat down on the edge of the bed with her. Then he leaned over and kissed her forehead. "You're right." With a soft sigh, he looked down at the sweet, perfect face. "Have you named him yet?"

Reaching over, she gently caressed her little boy's cheek. "Yeah, I did."

He looked at her curiously.

"His name is Joseph Chandler," she said softly, and Chandler felt his eyes well up with tears. "I named him after his father, and you."

He was too stunned to speak for a moment. "Thank you, Phoebe. Thank you," he finally managed, freeing one arm to hug her tight.

She held onto him tightly, hiding her face in his shoulder. The name had felt so right to her, to name him after his father and the man who had kept her from having a complete meltdown. And she would never be able to show him how grateful she was for that.

He gently smoothed her hair back, softly shushing her as he bounced the newborn in his free arm.

After what seemed like an eternity, Phoebe finally pulled away from his warm embrace and looked at her innocent son.

Chandler saw the wistful look on her face, and without a word, he laid the newborn in his mother's arms, smiling. "You're so good with him, Pheebs."

"I love him," she whispered. "I love him more than anything."

He nodded patiently. "I know you do. I can see that."

She sniffled, gently holding the newborn close to her heart. "I can't believe it..."

"Believe what, honey?"

"That Joey's gone... That he never even knew about our baby." She stubbornly wiped a tear away.

Chandler sighed softly, wrapping an arm around Phoebe's shoulders. "I like to think that he knows," Chandler murmured. "That he can see your son."

She nodded, stroking Joey's soft little cheek. She had to think that, to keep the pain of her grief at bay. He could see them, and he loved their son.

Chandler reached out and gently grasped the newborn's tiny hand in his. "He's perfect, Phoebe."

"He really is."

There was a soft knock on the door, and they both looked up to see Monica, Rachel and Ross standing in the doorway.

"You up for company?" Ross asked gently, and Phoebe nodded.

The three hurried over to the bed, and Chandler squeezed the baby's hand before slowly sliding out of the bed. As everyone milled around to admire the new baby boy, Chandler took a step back, then went to the window.

Phoebe held her child a little closer, glancing over at Chandler, who was staring out at the nighttime sky.

"What's his name, Pheebs?" Rachel asked, gently touching the newborn's soft little head.

"His name is Joseph. Joseph Chandler."

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The next night, Phoebe laid Joey in his crib in her room. Once he was situated, she watched him for a moment before grabbing something off of her bed.

"This is for you, sweetheart," she murmured as she rested the stuffed penguin in the corner of her son's crib. "His name is Hugsy, and he was your daddy's."

The newborn sighed softly and stuffed his hand in his mouth, making Phoebe smile.

"I know you can't understand any of this, baby, but I know your daddy loves you. And he'll always be watching you."

She closed her eyes, and it was almost like she could feel Joey standing beside her, smiling and kissing her.

But when she opened her eyes again, it was only her new son with her, and she had never felt such an incredible sense of loss.

_Joey, I'm so sorry _

_Oh, can you hear me?_

_Joey, I'm so sorry_

Phoebe sat in the Coffee House on a stool in front of the microphone, strumming her guitar. She had never thought there would be a day when she could talk about Joey without crying, let alone sing about losing a part of her heart with him that night.

In front of her, Chandler, Monica, Ross and Rachel were sitting on the familiar old couch, watching her intently.

Everyone in the Coffee House was captivated by her song, but Phoebe wasn't paying attention. It was all she could do to keep herself composed as she finished the song, then set her guitar down.

The room exploded into a deafening applause, and a small, dark haired little boy ran up to her. He threw himself into her arms, squealing happily.  
Phoebe held her little boy close and kissed his head. "Did you like Mommy's song, Joey?" she asked, resting her forehead against his.

He grinned and rubbed his palm against her cheek, nodding enthusiastically. "Yeah!"

She stepped off of the stage and sat down in a chair beside the couch, setting her little son in her lap.

"You did amazing," Chandler stated, hugging his wife close and kissing her head.

The other three nodded and murmured their agreement.

"Joey would be proud of you."

She absently ran her fingers through her son's thick hair, nodding. "I hope so."

"You know he is," Ross insisted.

She quietly stood up again, settling Joey on her hip. "I think I'm going to head home," she said quietly.

"Are you okay, honey?" asked Rachel. "We could go with you."

"No, thanks. I'm going to spend some time with my son."

She quietly left the building before anyone could say anything else.

Later that night, Phoebe shot up in her bed, her heart pounding and her mouth dry. Something had awoken her, but she wasn't sure just what it was. Then she heard it again.

"Mommy!"

Sighing softly, Phoebe slung her legs over the side of the bed, then stood up and hurried into her son's room. Not bothering with the light switch, she quickly went to his bed. "Joey, what's wrong, baby?" she asked softly, gathering him into her arms and holding him tight.

He sobbed and clung to her, burying his nose in her neck.

She shushed him gently and rocked him back and forth. "It's okay, baby," she soothed. "It's okay. It was just a dream. It's okay." She was all too familiar with nightmares, and she hated that her son was having them.

"I used to have them, too."

Phoebe tensed, hugging her son tighter. Now she was really losing it. She was hearing things, a cruel joke played on her by her imagination.

"What's wrong, Pheebs? Don't tell me you've forgotten me already."

Finally she looked up in the direction of the heart wrenchingly familiar voice. "No..."

Joey grinned as he approached her. "Hey, gorgeous. Miss me yet?"

The color drained from her face. "What...?"

He looked down at his son. "I told you we'd have beautiful kids."

She swallowed hard, trembling.

He looked down at the floor. "Pheebs..."

"What... what's going on, Joey?" she whispered.

He met her eyes. "You know what's going on. You know that this can only happen once, and I decided to come now, to see our boy."

"I've missed you, so much," she finally choked out.

He sighed softly. "I know you have. But you know I've been here with you. Every day."

She reluctantly laid their son back down, then turned to face him fully. "I... thought I felt you..."

"You have been." He smiled at her. "Tell Chandler that I'm glad he's been taking care of you."

She took a step closer, rubbing her arm. "He's helped me a lot."

"I know he has." He reached out, but stopped short of actually touching her. "I love you, Pheebs."

She held her hand over her mouth and started to cry again. "Joey, please don't go."

He sighed softly. "I don't want to, but I have to. But you'll be okay. You're strong."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You're stronger than you think." He looked at his son's bed. "And you have to take care of our boy."

"I need you."

"You'll be fine." He gave her that devastatingly amazing smile before taking a step backward. "I promise."

She reached out to him, shaking her head. "No, I won't. I need you too much."

"You'll be fine," he repeated as he faded into the darkness. "I love both of you."

"I love you, too." She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she reopened them, only she and her son occupied the room. Shaking her head, she collapsed against the wall.

"I love you..."

_Were you sad? _

_Were you scared?_

_Did you whisper a prayer to be free?_

_Was it quiet and cold?_

_Was it light or too dark to see?_

_And did you reach for me?_

The next morning, Phoebe woke up in her bed. And for the first time, her heart didn't break when she realized that his half of the bed was still empty.

She sat up, startled when she saw a pair of chocolate eyes staring at her from the foot of her bed. Smiling, she held her arms out. "Come on, my Joey."

The little boy eagerly scrambled up onto the bed and threw himself into his mother's arms, giggling wildly as she ticked him.

Lifting his shirt, she put her mouth against his belly and blew a raspberry into his belly, laughing with him. And amazingly, she didn't feel guilty that she couldn't share this moment with the man she loved. Instead she felt at peace.

Joey squealed and pushed his mother's hands away, shaking his head. "No, Mommy!"

She laughed, grabbing him and pulling him into her arms, hugging her tight. "What do you say we go to the zoo today, baby?" she suggested, nearly going deaf from the yell her son emitted.

"Yeah!"

Once she recovered, she grabbed him and lifted him up above her head, reveling in the sound of his unbridled laughter. He sounded so much like his father when he laughed, and instead of the pain cutting her when she heard it, she felt his joy.

Joey held his arms out and made airplane sounds. "Zoo, Mama!"

She grinned. "Yeah, we're going to the zoo, baby."

Maybe she would even show him the monkeys his father had loved so much.

_Joey, I'm so sorry _

_Oh, can you hear me?_

_Joey, I'm so sorry_

_Oh, can you hear me?_

_Joey, I'm so _

_Joey, I'm so sorry_

The End.

A/N: *sniffles* I never expected that the first Friends story I wrote, I would kill one of them. It's very upsetting. And I hope everyone got Hugsy. This was a big first for me, and I really hope that everyone liked it, and I won't get booted back to my other fandoms. LOL. Thanks for reading, and please remember to review!


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